Why, Dominos? WHY????

Domino’s just launched two new pizza mash-ups that sound like nothing anyone actually asked for. One’s a cheeseburger pizza that uses a ketchup and mustard sauce and has ground beef on top, and one’s a taco pizza with chicken, peppers, and taco seasoning. Both pizzas are also topped with American cheese in case there was any question what country could possibly create such monstrosities.

The taco pizza I’m willing to allow, but this cheeseburger pizza is clearly against God’s plan. Both of these pizza nightmares are available now if you want to find out what a “ketchup and mustard” sauce tastes like. I imagine it tastes a lot like regret.

— Jenn