Out of everyone I know, I can name 3 people who watch the Oscars on purpose. And I’m pretty sure this plan’s not going to make any of the rest of us join them.

The producers of the Oscars think longer acceptance speeches will get more people to watch the show. In recent years, winners were allowed 45 seconds, and then the producers would start playing the music to give them the hook. But this year, the time limit will be relaxed.

Director Steven Soderbergh is one of the producers this year and he says, “We’re giving them space. We’ve encouraged them to tell a story, and to say something personal.”

He also said the ceremony will be shot like a movie, with presenters like Brad Pitt, Harrison Ford, and Halle Berry “playing themselves, or at least a version of themselves.” No one knows what that means.

Soderbergh was also asked what the mask policy will be and he said, “Masks are going to play a very important role in the story. That topic is very central to the narrative.” But again, no one knows what that means.

The Oscars air Sunday night, but even all this mystery they’re trying to create isn’t enough to get me to watch.

— Jenn