The 2020 Goop Holiday Gift Guide is once again everything you expect and nothing you want.

All that bread baking you did this year? You can memorialize it for only $210 with a lamp made from an actual loaf bread. I know what you’re thinking – won’t it mold? And the answer is no because it’s coated in resin.

If you’d rather not stare down your pandemic memories every day of your life, there’s always the 128 page Vulva Coloring Book reasonably priced at only $15. Or maybe you’d prefer the This Smells Like My Vagina perfume, available in a roll on. Either way it’s bound to be a very classy holiday season.

— Jenn