You got a dollar and want to blow it on some weird candy on Amazon?! That’s right, there’s some stuff on Amazon that is under a dollar, and some of it is SUS CANDY! Feel free to buy and send any of this to The Smiley Morning Show (Producer Will specifically):

1. PLUMPKIN PALS! – That’s right, Plumpkin – unfortunate name, sounds like that other nasty thing, IYKYK, and if you don’t, DO NOT replace the first “P” with a “B” and hit google. DO NOT. Upshot on Plumpkins is they’re only 80 cents.

2. CAPPUCINO CANDY! – Yummm, candy that tastes like coffee! It’s like the worst bean-boozled jelly bean flavor, but exclusively ONLY THAT in one bag of candy. The picture on the bag has a picture of a BEAN pouring its liquid into the candy drop. Sick! Hey, but only 85 cents.

3. UNFROSTED CANE-SHAPE SUGAR COOKIE! – These look like joyless cookies for Dickensian orphans. A bad batch that came out of the bakers dumpster. I can feel my mouth drying up as the crumb-dust invades and absorbs every ounce of moisture in my eat-hole. BUT! Only 98 cents!

4. BOX OF DIET JUJYFRUITS! – This is only 1 cent. You know this will make you poop your pants. It’s probably got that fake diarrhea-sugar replacement. This is as close as Amazon gets to just giving something away. Technically, still candy though! Stuff these in the stockings of your worst enemies this year.